"Morgan's Trying To Get Her Life Together" List

LESBIHONEST. I won't get shit done unless I have some sort of deadline. Now, deadlines can be scary. But I can't afford not to have a structured schedule because I am not very good at self-regulating.
So this is what I am doing. I need to be busy, so I'm making myself a little calender list type thing to help me get shit done.

OH WOW BTW I MAKE YOUTUBE VIDEOS.
I tend to make the video and the take weeks to edit it. I need that to stop.

New Videos every Tuesday and Friday. (And whenever I feel like making one)

That way, I'll film two days before and then edit the day before I post it.

One thing my terrible therapist told me to do was journal. And that was one of the only good things she told me to do. I'm sort of going to do that with this blog.

Every day I'm going to make a journal post. BUT. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday I'm going to make a structured blog post about whatever.

Obviously this schedule will change once I get back to school, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. :)

All this will start today, with a new video being up on Friday. Please check it out! :)

Amazon Book Haul

This is my first time buying anything off of Amazon! 

The first book I bought was Don't Worry, It Gets Worse by Alida Nugent. I heard about it through Hayley G. Hoover's May video, and the title was so witty that I decided to check out "The Frenemy Blog" and loved it; so naturally I wanted to buy the book. I was worried that I wouldn't relate to this book at all since I'm 16 and not in my twenties, but the reviews gave me the sense I would still enjoy it. 

The next book I got is a science-y book called The Primal Teen  by Barbara Strauch. In the AP class I'm going to be taking next year, we are required to read two books, one science, and one autobiography/ biography. This book sounded interesting, and it was on the list, so I got it. 

Next I got The World Without Us  by Alan Weisman. This book was also on my science topic list for school, but I wanted to read it for enjoyment, not for the assignment. 

The last book I got is also for school. It's called Lipstick Jihad  and it's by Azadeh Moaveni. I feel like I am really going to enjoy reading this, basically because it is exploring a lot of feminist stuff. 

After I finish reading each book I'm going to do a review on them, so stay tuned for that :) 

Tuesday, May 28th.

I'm posting this a bit later after I wrote this. 

It’s pretty late at night, at least for me. I started having some freaking out feelings while looking for a job online. I need a job rather badly and it’s stressing the crap out of me. You see, I've never been a get-goer kind of person, unlike my parents, and that scares them (and to an extent, me). 

I need a job so I can start saving up for college expenses, and so I can help pay for a driving class I need to take. I need to find a place to work close to my house so my parents can drive me, since I can’t drive, because I need to help pay for the class.

Obviously, big circle. But I have loads of anxiety. Driving, job hunting, keeping the job, it all really stresses me out and makes me want to run away from all the work, which is what I can’t do and that trait irritates my parents. I don’t think we can afford a new therapist, (my other one was terrible) but we need to figure all this out and see if I need medicine or something, but the idea of talking to one freaks me out even more. 

I know most of it is my motivation to get better, but that’s one of the problems, I’m not motivated to try to do anything. I don’t have the kind of work ethic or drive or want to make myself better. I just want to push pass all of this anxiety and be productive and successful and be better, but that thought gives me loads of anxiety. It's like a boat of anxiety sailing in an ocean of anxiety.